My Emotional Inventory

I have learned that no man is an island. It always takes a village to do something meaningful. We need fellowship. We need a sense of purpose. It was year 2016 when I intentionally isolated myself to others. I decided not to look for job but instead start my own company since eCommerce is at its peak in US. I became a hermit, stayed at home and did research after research over the internet most of the times. I thought my life was doing great. I was afar from people, nobody bugged me (except my husband :-P ). I only talked or chat to my friends whenever I want to. I pray, read the bible, attend the weekly life group every Wednesday and attend the church service every Sunday but I know that deep in my heart there is something missing.  That is fellowship to other people and with what I did there was no relationship formed, just acquaintanceship.

That is sad. I was always upset, I've been down, not motivated to do something or sometimes depressed. I sit back and assessed myself and realized that this is not me. Where is the old me that has a cheerful smile in her face, that is compassionate, that is full of love and patience, what happened to her?

That was my fault, I allowed myself to be consumed with the world. I allowed myself to be consumed with hatred, jealousy, distrustful to other people, fear, worries and tied myself to the shadow of the past heartaches.

That affect my marriage too. My relationship to my husband was like a roller coaster ride. It was a bumpy road. We were fighting most of the times, I easily got triggered with a simple mistake or I just got mad at him for no reason. Poor guy! But I honor him for His patience and for helping me to figure things out and pick up my broken pieces. I thank him for his support, love and for being there in this lowest season of my life.

It is hard if your enemy is yourself. It is hard to move forward if ourselves have so much setbacks. Thanks God he showed it to me and I’m sure He tried many times but I was just stubborn. Thanks God for melting my heart. I finally got it!

Now, the real me is back from my long vacation in the wilderness. The improve one. More hope, more love, more dream, still have faith like a mustard seed but that’s good enough to take a big leap of Change. 

I am really hungry and thirsty to share God’s love, and I want it to start to my family, my friends, my neighbors, my countrymen and my community in preparation to my citizenship in Heaven.